Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should

by CJ Stasik

The Exhaustion That Rest Doesn’t Fix

Have you ever gotten a full night’s sleep only to wake up just as exhausted—if not more—than when you went to bed?
Are you constantly in motion, moving from one task to the next like a woman on a never-ending treadmill?
Do you ever look around at people—partners, kids, coworkers, dogs—and feel that low-simmering frustration because deep down you believe you're the only one who can get sh*t done?

Do you feel like no one really gets how much is sitting on your shoulders?

Yeah. Same.

I used to convince myself it was fine. That I could handle it. That I should handle it, because I was capable, organized, and strong. And so I did. I handled all of it

A Day in the Life of Overfunctioning

A typical day? Let me paint you a picture:

I wake up at 5:00 a.m. to bake cupcakes from scratch for the school bake sale, because heaven forbid my child show up with store-bought cookies (the horror). Then I make a homemade breakfast, because cereal apparently isn’t enough to fuel future astronauts. I lay out everyone’s clothes like I’m the stylist for a family photoshoot. Then it’s the school drop-off gauntlet—three stops, all in different directions, in rush-hour traffic, while listening to podcasts about how to be more “present.”

I log into work, knock out a full 9-to-5 (more like 9-to-forever), edit a presentation for the marketing team because their font choices gave me hives, answer approximately 472 emails, and schedule a “quick call” that turns into an hour-long therapy session for a colleague.

By 3:00 p.m., I’m back in the car for school pickup, carpooling a van full of sweaty middle schoolers to basketball practice. Then it’s home to cook a four-course dinner (on a weeknight, yes), clean the kitchen, reload the dishwasher, do two loads of laundry, and—because I’m such a good neighbor—walk the neighbor’s dog while they’re on vacation.

Oh, and of course I read two books to my daughter before bed, then crawl into my own bed where I finally unwind by reviewing more emails until my eyes blur.

Just because I can do all of that… does that mean I should?

The Hidden Cost of Doing It All

Let’s be clear: the ability to juggle all of that isn’t the problem.

Many of us can do it. We’re high-functioning, high-achieving, hyper-capable women. We know how to prioritize, organize, and get it done—often with a smile and a fully charged electric toothbrush.

But here’s the truth: over-functioning is not a superpower.

It’s a survival mechanism.

It’s what happens when you’ve been conditioned to equate your value with your productivity… your worth with your usefulness… your success with your ability to hold everyone and everything together.

And while it may win you accolades in the office or applause at PTA meetings or a glowing review from your in-laws, it comes at a cost.
A high one.

Because no matter how “together” you may look from the outside, overfunctioning on the inside leads to some real sh*t:

• You’re exhausted—but you can’t rest.
• You’re successful—but you feel resentful.
• You’re doing everything for everyone—but feel totally disconnected from yourself.
• You finally sit down—and immediately think of three more things you should be doing.

It chips away at your energy, your patience, your creativity, your joy.

And worst of all, it convinces you that there’s no other option. That of course you have to do it all. That no one else will step up. That if you don’t do it, it won’t get done right. That it’s easier to just handle it yourself than to ask for help.

Sound familiar?

It’s not just burnout—it’s a slow erosion of your identity.

Capability ≠ Sustainability

Over-functioning becomes your default setting. You’re the dependable one. The capable one. The one who can carry more. But over time, that role starts to choke the very life you’re trying to build. It leaves no room for softness, for space, for stillness. For your needs. For your joy.

And maybe—just maybe—you’ve started to wonder…

What if I stopped doing so much?

What if I let someone else step in?

What if I gave myself permission to do less… and to do what matters most?

What if I stopped trying to be a superhero and started being a human again?

Because here’s the thing: Just because you can carry it all doesn’t mean you’re supposed to.
Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean it’s serving you.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

What Can You Let Go Of?

So, what do we do with this realization?

First, we get honest.

Because the hardest part isn’t actually letting go of the extra tasks—it’s letting go of the story we’ve attached to them.

Maybe deep down, you believe doing all the things makes you a “good” mom, a “reliable” partner, a “valuable” employee. Maybe you’ve told yourself that if you just push through this season, it’ll get easier. Maybe it feels safer to keep spinning all the plates than to risk disappointing someone—or admitting that you’re tired.

But what if the real flex isn’t in doing it all… it’s in doing what matters?

What if strength looked like discernment instead of constant motion?

What if you stopped measuring your success by how much you accomplish in a day—and started measuring it by how you feel at the end of it?

Here’s a question I ask my clients (and myself):
What are you doing that no one actually asked you to do?
Because chances are, there’s a long list of invisible labor that’s been self-assigned, silently expected, or inherited from generations of “strong women don’t rest.”

You don’t need to blow up your whole life tomorrow. You don’t need to drop the laundry basket mid-fold and scream, “I’m out!” (though… if that feels right, go off.)

But you can start with one small shift.

Maybe it’s buying the store-bought cupcakes.
Maybe it’s asking your partner to take over dinner two nights a week.
Maybe it’s letting the dishes sit in the sink overnight (they’ll still be there tomorrow, promise).
Maybe it’s not volunteering for the thing you don’t actually care about.
Maybe it’s saying “no” without a detailed explanation.
Maybe it’s giving yourself ten quiet minutes before you pour out for everyone else.

You don’t need to earn your rest.
You don’t need to prove your worth by running yourself into the ground.
You don’t need to do it all to be worthy of love, respect, or peace.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
And just because you’ve done it all for so long… doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it that way.

It’s Time to Handle It Your Way

You’ve carried the load long enough.
Now it’s time to set some of it down—and decide what actually deserves your energy.

One bold choice at a time.

You’ve got this.
But now, you get to handle it your way.

Feeling this? Ready to let go of what’s not yours to carry?
Let’s work together to reclaim your energy and redefine what thriving actually looks like.

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